Falling Slowly (Soap Mactavish x Reader)(One-Shot)

You were in a complete state of panic. Your rationality ran wild in your head, pursuing an intruder. This unwanted guest created an excited havoc throughout your defenses, tearing down all of the fortified walls. Whatever savage invader took over your mind, you couldn’t keep up with it. You couldn’t think straight for the first time in as long as you can remember.

His hand was still outstretched, as if he were expecting something from you. Your eyes met his. His blue eyes were so hopeful, but yours were so scared.

“C’mon, love,” he said. His Scottish voice was so alluring, but you forbid yourself to have the slightest interest. “It’s a date. You can hold my hand, if you want.”

Something almost made you believe that this was true, but the way you were trained told you otherwise. Your father was a military man and your mother was a politician. You were raised in a way that your emotions would never hold you back. Having strong emotions for another person was a weakness, and something that would ultimately end badly. Perhaps that’s why they were divorced and still unmarried.

Besides, you were one of the first female officers on the combat field. If you showed the most insignificant sliver of curiosity to anyone romantically, the message you wanted to prove to the world would be in vain.

Not to mention you were his Lieutenant. You worked back-breakingly hard for that title, and you were not prepared to let it fall away because of your emotions. You knew that would happen, too. If General Shepard knew that you were gaining something for your Captain, he’d have you out of the army like that. It was difficult enough to meet his standards. You had to loose any amount of “distracting” female features and behaviors. You were starting to believe that the only reason Shepard let you into the army was because you weren’t fertile, so outside of the monthly cycle, you’d almost pass for a man. Perhaps not in appearance, but in role. If you started to become interested, that feminine instinct of love would kick in, and you'd have one more female behavior that would piss Shepard off.

And another thing, he was your Captain. He’d have complete power over you in your relationship. You would most certainly NOT have a man control you especially in a partnership. But if you started to care for him, would you be able to stop him from being dominate in the relationship. No, that would never happen because you wouldn’t let that happen ever.

You glanced at his hand once again, that laid over the table of a quiet diner. He smiled very softly at you, and you were thrown into conflict. Your head told you to listen to reason, and your heart told you to listen to your emotions. All that did, however, was give you an upset stomach. His blue eyes turned concerned, as they tried to search your (e/c) eyes, that darted away.

“I’ll be right back,” you mumbled in a rushed way. 

“(Y/N)?” he called.

You got out of your seat, and disappeared from his view when you walked into the bathroom. He sighed, wishing you weren’t so unreachable.

You leaned against the tile of the wall with the door locked behind you. You took out your phone, nearly dropping it, and called the only person you trust with all your heart.

“Hello?” their voice called from the other end.

“Hey, it’s me,” you told them.

“Oh! How’s the date going?” they asked you excitedly. You paused, trying to find the words trapped in your throat.

“I think it’s going good,” you reply.

“That’s awesome!” they answered happily.

“I don’t know...” you said. “I... I just think... oh, I don’t know that I think. It’s going good, and that’s bad. I don’t want it to go good, because if it does, everything will be wrong. I’m so trapped.”

“Why would you be trapped? Love is so liberating!” they reply. “Love is a good thing, (Y/N)! You, of all people, deserve it.”

“I really do love Mactavish, and that’s I’m so scared,” you whimper helplessly. You were never this way in combat, why must you be this way in happiness? “Do you remember what I told you about? About why I haven’t been in a relationship since middle-school?”

Their sweet voice hummed against your earpiece.

“Of course, and I think you should open yourself up,” they told you. “Just try for John’s sake.”

“How?”

“By letting that guard down,” you could practically see them sitting down at the kitchen table, rolling their eyes at you, shaking their head, or silently laughing at you for being so childlike. “Let that poor guard have a break. Be completely honest with yourself, and honest with him. But more importantly- trust in love.”

There was a peaceful silence for a minute, as revelation swept through your body.

“Alright, I love you,” you tell them.

“Love you too,” they reply. “And make sure you tell John the very same. I like him, and he should be your hus-”

You hung up, with a quiet chuckle. You gave your reflection one last look-over before leaving the bathroom completely. You felt far more confident, but still slightly cautious. Mactavish’s eyes met yours again, and he smiled at you as you sat back down.

“Sorry, I just had to call someone,” you tell your Captain truthfully.

“Are you alright?” John asked you.

“Yeah,” you reply. “I was just- scared, I guess.”

“Scared?” he raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve never had a real relationship,” you explain. “And I don’t really know how to react.”

“To hand-holding?” Soap chuckled. You smile yourself, and lean against the table. “I guess it will take a while to get a kiss then...”

You gently reach across the table, and take Mactavish’s hands in your much smaller ones. You guide Mactavish to his feet, and slowly pull him out of the diner. His blue eyes, luminous in the moonlight and the faint light of the diner behind you, looked at you with a glint of curiosity and surprise. Then the emotion in his deep cerulean eyes tumbled like the sea into adoration as you slowly drew closer to him.

Mactavish’s lips were warm when they met yours. His presence suddenly became your world, and nothing else mattered. The heat that radiated off of his skin became your summer, despite the cold spring rain that sang the blues against the pavement. The scent of his clothes snaked around your senses, innocently teasing your mind. Your hands on his muscular chest balanced you, despite how dizzy you were becoming. His strong arms, that fit so well tucked around your waist, turned into your main support. You realized, deep in that confession of a kiss, that John could calm the chaos of your head, even though he was what put it there. He became a huge part of you in that moment. You felt his lips fall away from yours, and you swayed faintly trying to re-steady yourself.

“I-I’m a fast learner,” you murmur, not wanting your shaky voice to give away your breathlessness. Mactavish chuckled huskily, and ran his hand through his mohawk.

“No kidding,” he breathed. John suddenly pulled you towards him, and held you there for a long and sincere moment. You, tense at first, felt your defenses give up and muscles loosen. You were starting to relax when he pulled away. “But you still have a lot to learn.”

“You’ll help me, right?” you asked unsurely.

“As long as you want me too.”